NICK THEOPHILOU
- Guest Counsellor & Writer -
G'day folks,
Welcome to an interview conducted with an interesting man from Australia - Nick Theophilou. Nick is a pioneer in, and a ground breaking social commentator in men's
social and emotional health, having developed and facilitated many
personal development programs for over twenty years, and implemented
these across a wide range of not for profit, and business organisations
He has also established a presence as a writer, public speaker and
radio broadcaster, and specialises in counselling couples.
He believes people can be empowered and motivated to improve their lives, and has a demonstrated ability to guide his audience to successfully quality outcomes. He believes strongly in transperancy, and the development of open and trusting relationships, and that core values such as respect, honesty, loyalty, and being professional are major determinants in our behaviours and decisions.
Welcome, Nick. Tell us more ...
1.
TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT
YOURSELF AND YOUR PROFESSIONAL JOURNEY.
My professional life
has had some weird byways, starting with my choice to study Accounting as my
major at Swinburne College back in 1971. Waves of boredom were matched by my determination
to finish, though when I did finish I was entirely unsuitable to the task. By
1984 I drifted into teaching and began to hit my straps, enjoying the challenge
of delivering classes. I had a reputation for being hard but fair. It was a job
I continued to do for the next 25 years.
By 1992 I was looking for
something new. I volunteered as a radio technician, doing the late shift at a
community radio station. I learnt fast. I had too. But it showed me that I was
interested in more, and indeed could do more, than teaching Commerce in a high
school.
At around this time, I went to an
astrologer who showed me a newspaper article about workshops for men. She
didn’t say much except, ‘“This could be good for you.’” And it was. I went to
more meetings and found how good it felt to be supported by older men, good
men. My partner at the time said, ‘You
come home quieter after the group. Better.’”
Seeing that meetings lacked
formal structure, I set about developing an eight- week program orienting men
to being in a group together. Other programs followed: Fathers and Sons,
Communications, Stress, a Train the Trainer for men wanting to set up their own
group… the list went on.
To 2014, I started over fifty
men’s groups. It’s given my life meaning, and I see it continues to be
worthwhile. I see it in the men when, who, within twenty minutes sitting and
listening to other men, visibly relax when realising other men have the same
dilemmas and, similar stories.
Another new beginning was
promoting men’s issues in media. I founded a radio program called “The Full Monty!”
It focused on different aspects of men’s lives, which to that stage was
seen as a strange indulgence, since ‘“There’s nothing wrong with them. They’ve
got it all.”
How wrong they were. Many men
stepped forward to do father- and- son weekends, general awareness groups,
behaviour change programs. …. They thirsted to hear what other men’s lives were
like, how they coped, what worked for them. When ‘it’ didn’t work they returned
to sort out what had happened, and try again. This spoke volumes about men’s
resolve to improve their own and their family’s lives.
But inside me another change was
stirring. People had said for years that I should write, that I had a book in
me. Having failed English, I couldn’t see how this was at all possible. But at
the tender age of fifty, I put pen to paper. At first it was halting,
fragmentary, and quite frankly, not good.
Eventually I managed to write a
five- hundred word article on my relationship with my dad. And after forty-nine
(yes, forty-nine) revisions it was submitted to ‘The Age’ newspaper in
Melbourne. Responses were positive and I wrote several more; on male
friendships, fathers and sons, and others ….including the one called “My
Mother’s Voice,” which is the one I still like the best.
In the meantime, people were
asking me what happened in a men’s group. The more I tried the less clear it
became. So, over two years I produced a film about men called “Inside a Mens
Group”. And it’s true; a picture is worth a thousand words. It showed a
men’s group in ‘action’. Men were talking openly about what was important to
them. In a sense, what was a mystery about men’s groups had been answered. Some
people found it illuminating. Others found the whole idea dangerous. Still
others just yawned. In either case, many libraries, schools, health services,
and men’s groups bought a copy. Overall,
the responses were positive, and I felt good knowing I could make a film people
found useful.
In 2013 I set myself the task of
writing a book, a long overdue project. Finally, after six rewrites I loaded it
up on Amazon: 10 Stories about what men are Doing Well
Currently
I have jobs as a writer, currently working on the three weeks my partner and I
spent walking in Paris. I also work as a couples counsellor in private practice.
2.
WHEN AND HOW DID YOU
BECOME INVOLVED IN YOUR CURRENT JOB?
I noticed that couples benefited from couples counselling
because they had an independent observer (me) who give them feedback on how
they were relating. It was much more beneficial than one to one counselling
(which has it’s advantages) where you normally get one side of the story.
Writing takes up two hours a day, usually late morning.
3.
WHAT’S INVOLVED IN
YOUR JOB?
With Writing: discipline, memory, a willingness to
rewrite
With Counselling: discipline, lots of listening,
observing, commenting, guiding
4.
WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST
ABOUT YOUR WORK?
Writing allows me to
enter another space inside which is quiet, just me, my thoughts, feelings and
the page.
Being present to
others’ lives. And Counselling is such a dynamic environment. Watching and
listening to how people relate fascinates me. There is a flow to the communication,
an ebb and flow I love to watch, and feedback to the clients in an effort to
help them communicate better.
5.
WHAT IS THE HARDEST
THING ABOUT YOUR JOB?
That sometimes I feel
absolutely useless and no good at writing or counselling.
6.
WHAT WERE YOU IN A
PAST LIFE?
A monk at one time,
and a marauder in another.
7.
WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO BE
WHERE YOU ARE NOW?
My sense that writing
and counselling are my calling.
8.
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST
ACHIEVEMENT?
That my daughter
wants to continue to know me.
9.
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING
ON AT THE MOMENT?
A book about three
weeks Wendy (my partner) and I spent in Paris in 2010
10. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
People.
11. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST JOY IN YOUR
WORK?
The silence, the
achievement, the sense of maybe contributing to other peoples’ happiness.
12. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE AUTHOR AND
WHY?
Proust, he covers so
much territory, and is such an interesting person who lived in a pivotal moment
in history.
13. WHAT’S THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT YOU
EVER RECEIVED FROM A CLIENT?
Someone once said I
was a good man.
14. WHAT WAS THE WORST COMMENT?
“You’re a demon man.”
This was said to me when I refused to give a donation to a Moonie.
15. OTHER THAN YOUR WORK, WHAT ELSE DO
YOU LOVE?
Classical music,
spend time with friends, working outside.
16. DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT DAY.
Riding my bicycle at 6am, then oats, coffee, writing,
counselling, seeing a friend, talking about Proust with Wendy, and reading
Proust.
17. IF YOU WERE STUCK ON A DESERT ISLAND
WITH ONE PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE? WHY?
Homer, because he
would connect me with my origins as a Greek, and I would fill him in on what
happened in between.
18. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF YOU HAD THE
CHANCE TO SPEAK TO WORLD LEADERS?
Do the right thing
19. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE?
Writing, counselling, public speaking, radio
broadcasting, keep good relations with my family, and not necessarily in that
order.
20. WHAT FIVE BOOKS WOULD YOU TAKE TO YOUR
GRAVE?
1.
In
Search of Lost Time
2.
The
Bible
3.
The
Iliad
4.
Pere
Goriot
5.
Pride
and Prejudice
21. WHAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING THAT EVER
HAPPENED TO YOU?
Can’t help you there. Don’t remember.
22. WHO DO YOU ADMIRE MOST?
Anyone who comes up trumps against the odds.
23. WHAT ARE YOUR BIGGEST FRUSTRATIONS?
My impatience
24. IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO CHANGE ONE
THING IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
People who, without remorse, treat others shamefully.
25. ANYTHING YOU’D LIKE TO ADD?
Not really. Just to say, “Thank you.”
WEBSITE:
Clancy's comment: Many thanks, Nick. Keep up the great work, and keep writing.
I'm ...
Today we mourn the passing of Australia's 21st Prime Minister at 98 years-of-age - Edward Gough Whitlam AC, QC.
Pax vobiscum, Gough.
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