20 December 2016 - GREAT ONE-LINERS

GREAT ONE-LINERS

G'day folks,

Here are some interesting one-liners to make you think and smile.

·         How do you get off a non-stop flight?

·         How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

·         How many weeks are there in a light year?

·         If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

·         If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

·         If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

·         If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

·         If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

·         If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

·         Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

·         Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

·         Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

·          One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

·         The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

·         I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Clancy's comment: Well, did you smile?

I'm ...

30 November 2016 - TOP ONE-LINERS

TOP ONE-LINERS

G'day folks,

Time for some more one-liners.

·         Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

·         If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

·         If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

·         If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

·         Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

·         Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

·         Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

·         If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

·         Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

·         How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

·         How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

·         Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

·         One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

·         Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

·         Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

·         If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

·         Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

·         If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

·         If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

Clancy's comment: I loved some of these, and they made me wonder who originally wrote them.

I'm ...