6 January 2014 - ANDY ROONEY QUOTES


G'day guys,

Andy Rooney, who died recently at the age of 92, had the last word each week on the CBS news magazine "60 Minutes." 

He was 92 and lived in Manhattan, though he kept a family vacation home in Rensselaerville, N.Y., and the first home he ever bought, in Rowayton, Conn. CBS News said in a statement that Mr. Rooney died after complications following minor surgery. 

In late September, CBS announced that Mr. Rooney would be making his last regular weekly appearance on “60 Minutes” on Oct. 2. After that, said Jeff Fager, the chairman of CBS News and the program’s executive producer, he would “always have the ability to speak his mind on ‘60 Minutes’ when the urge hits him.” 

 Here are some of his great lines from those essays, along with a few others, that reveal his talent as a writer and the dry wit that made him famous.

 "I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got." -- from an essay on his eyebrows, Nov. 24, 1996

"We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. More college graduates ought to become plumbers or electricians, then go home at night and read Shakespeare." -- from an essay on finding a good job, March 21, 2010

"We didn't shock them, and we didn't awe them in Baghdad. The phrase makes us look like foolish braggarts. The president ought to fire whoever wrote that for him." -- on the start of the war in Iraq in 2003

"I recently bought this new laptop to use when I travel. Look at that. Fits right into my briefcase. It weighs less than three pounds. I lose that much getting mad, waiting to get on the plane through security at the airport." -- from an essay on computers, Feb. 11, 2009

"We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us." -- on the astronauts aboard the Space Shuttle Challenger after it exploded on takeoff in 1986

"Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. ... All this time I've been paid to say what is on my mind on television. You don't get any luckier in life than that." -- from Rooney's final "60 Minutes" essay, Oct. 2, 2011

"One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents." -- from Rooney's first "60 Minutes" essay, July 2, 1978

"The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday." -- from an essay on coffee cans, Oct. 23, 1988

"A lot of these products are actually pretty good. But why are they always trying to con us with the contrived pictures on the box that don't look anything like you get when you eat it?" -- from an essay on the pictures on food packages, Dec. 4, 1988

"I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?" -- from an essay on pill bottles, Oct. 12, 1986

"I understand shipping -- you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company -- but what's this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don't want a lot of people handling something I'm going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn't handle it before you sent it to me?" -- from an essay on fine print, March 12, 1989

"Dogs are nicer than people." -- from an essay on the true things in life, Dec. 5, 2007

"I did not believe in the war. I thought it was wrong to go into any war. And I got to the war, and saw the Germans, and I changed my mind. I decided we were right going into World War II." -- from a CBS interview with Morley Safer, Oct. 2, 2011

"I am interested in details. If you go into anything far enough, you get into the details of it, and people turn out to be interested in what makes things work." -- from a 2010 interview in The Colgate Scene

 And …

I've learned...That the best  classroom in the world is at the feet  of an elderly person. 

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned....... That just  one person  saying to me,   'You've  made  my day!' makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall  asleep in your arms  is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That  I can  always  pray  for  someone  when  I don't   have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter  how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is  a hand to hold & a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child, did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper.The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That  it's   those   small  daily   happenings   that   make  life  so spectacular.

I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when  you plan to get  even with  someone,  you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you  meet deserves  to be  greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That  no  one  is  perfect  until  you  fall  in  love  with  them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost;  someone  will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That  when  you  harbor  bitterness,  happiness  will  dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my  Mom  that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft  &  tender,  because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned..... That a smile  is  an  inexpensive  way  to  improve  your  looks.

I've learned..... That when your newly born  grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the  mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with,  more  things  I get done.

Clancy's comment:  They are certainly worth reading, eh? Pax vobiscum, Mr Rooney.

I'm ...

Think about this!

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