"The state of your bedroom is the state of your mind."
VERY SPECIAL GUEST
- "BM" -
Today I honour a very special guest who has led an interesting life - 'BM'. I've had young adults, authors, lawyers, illustrators and many others as a guest on this blog. Today I feature a very special senior citizen. She is not a writer, but she has shared the ups and downs of a writer. In her youth, BM was a superb diver and tennis player and she has worked for the community for decades. Welcome, BM. Tell us more ...
Any great quotes for us?
Still alive and able to learn something new everyday. You are never too old to learn!
What personal traits would you like to have in your next life?
Perhaps be more patient
What advice would you give to world leaders?
Stop thinking of “what is in it for me” and be TRUTHFUL to the not so fortunate – they are not so dumb to know when lies are being told to them!
BM's husband - one of nature's gentleman.
What advice would you give to parents today?
That MONEY is not the be all and end all. It is still a necessity but the children you craved to want, need you both. Parents are needed to be there especially when their hearts are breaking; not some stranger. They didn’t ask to be born, look after them, because when they reach out for a hug – no-one better than MUM or DAD.
What was the happiest moment of your life?
Becoming a Mother-and being able to project into my children that to be loved is one of the most important necessities of life, but also teaching them how to also love and to understand that we are all made differently.
What was the saddest moment?
One of the saddest moments was to be told you didn’t belong, and to be reminded that you were adopted – when “naughty”, have the clothes you were dressed in from the orphanage laid out on the bed, to remind you where you came from!! Unfortunately this was to happen more than once over time. So no doubt I must have erred more than once!
What surprised you most?
That I think I became a better human being in spite of all the above.
What was your greatest disappointment?
One of my disappointments in growing-up was that I was never allowed to have friends stay overnight, or stay at their homes – in other words, was never encouraged to make friends, so didn’t have the luxury of “fun and secrets” like other children. You see, adoption was a very closed, secretive time back in my vintage. I think adopted parents were scared that someone would let the big secret “out-of-the bag “ because no-one ever told you that you were Adopted! Certainly, I had everything that money could buy, but not the main ingredient. Yet my adopted Father was the apple of my eye - always there when needed!!
Who did you misjudge? Why?
At this point of time, can’t recall being guilty. I think everybody is guilty at some time or other, but if you stop and think, it works out.
What or who was your biggest challenge?
One of my sisters who went through a nervous breakdown, and see her come through after about three years of mental trauma, such as suicide attempts - being there for her.
What has been your biggest regret?
A couple of things – one was that no one informed me that my adopted Dad was ill, so never said Goodbye – as he was the love of my life! Second, was not being told my birth mother was still alive, and that I had four sisters all living, and never found this out until joining “Jigsaw” . Of course on a brighter side, through being on the Jigsaw list, I eventually found them all when my birth-Mother was 86, so had a very short while to get to know her and I was able to at least spend one Christmas with her before she passed away, and meet FOUR sisters which I had no inkling about.
What would be your dying comment? Why?
Please teach your children to be honest, have a mind of their own, so they won’t be easily led into the ”evils” that the world may have to offer, and remember that they didn’t ask to be born, so never get tired of telling them that you LOVE them always. But, you do not have to LIKE them some of the time!! NEVER LET THEM GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT UNHAPPY. And we adults must be able to come down to their thinking and give them lots of Hugs!!
Remember that a child becomes the next Generation, so if we look after and nurture them we may produce a better world!
Who or what stunned you the most?
Perhaps the beauty of our Queen Elizabeth. She was married 10 days after I was, and we watched the Wedding whilst away on our honeymoon. She does not photograph as pretty as she really is!
What would you like written on your tombstone? Why?
Really am not fussed, but would like to be remembered as a good listener, honest and true to my word.
Who would you rather have not met? Why?
Have to think on this!
Who were you most envious of? Why?
Envy eats into the soul, so do not even dwell on it for one minute.
Who did you forgive – for doing something you never thought you’d forgive?
Perhaps my adoptive Parent –who used Pussy-Willow to beat me! TRUE STORY (For those who do not know what Pussy-Willow is – it grows in a bush form, and has flowers which looks like Cat-whiskers)
What was your greatest moment in your life?
One of those moments was that I had someone to resemble, as you go through adoption not knowing who you may look like. It is a real experience to know.
What is your greatest achievement?
That my children respect me and we can tell each other that we love them.
Who and what would you choose to be stuck on a desert island with?
A decent Pillow for starters. No TV, and a mixture of intelligent people be either male or female. Sweet music, and a SHOWER!!! And, a decent assortment of books!
Have any heroes? Why?
Maybe my Father – because he put up with so much! Also his kindness to all people, be they black, brown, or brindle! He never let anyone go begging. He would buy food for the poor and deliver it to them without them knowing where it came from.
What are the greatest legacies you will leave behind?
That what you saw is what you got – no pretence; just a plain and homely person.
What’s lacking in the world today?
Start by teaching children to have respect and love for their parents, and remember that both Dad & Mum have to work at least 8 hours a day to put them through school, and buy them the things they MUST have. Parents must also show their LOVE and LISTEN to their questions, and always make time for their friends to visit. It doesn’t matter if the house isn’t as elaborate as his/her best friend’s house - it is the substance that matters. MONEY does not buy Happiness – so the Mums/Dads remember this, and don’t make work the be all and end all of life.
TIME OUT with your kids – remember THEY didn’t ask to be born. Then by your examples, they will learn to also love themselves.
Too much EGO – not enough truth – so many wrapped in themselves and not enough gentleness. Everything, from music to art is brash. Bring back looking for the good in your neighbour and friends. Everyone is entitled to having “bad hair days” so think of how to help them instead of criticising so much!
Any pearls of wisdom for the rest of us?
One of my favourites from BLIND ACTIVIST, the late Helen Keller:
‘When one door of happiness closes, another OPENS.
But often we look so long at the closed door
That we do not see the ONE which has been opened for us.’
Clancy's comment: I think we younger citizens should spend more time with the wise elders of society like BM - those who have been through hardships we can only imagine. Oh, I forgot to tell you two things, folks:
1. BM turns 88 today!
2. Happy birthday, Mum. Love you - love ya work!